Serial Cheater

Have you ever had to live through your deepest darkest fear? Did you do everything you possibly could not to be in that position, but somehow you ended up smack dab in the middle of it? For some people clowns, spiders, or heights are their worst fear. For me it was being cheated on. To know that I could choose someone and love someone so unconditionally and that he could still treat me like I was nothing to him behind my back terrified me. My biggest question was why? Why hurt someone so badly? Isn't it a coincidence that, that is the same question that serial killers get asked? That has me wondering...are cheaters normal people who just made a mistake or are they serial cheaters roaming unchecked?

Story Time.

I am very open about my biggest fear with someone I care about. So, he knew exactly how to hurt me. I had asked him to break things off with me if things weren't working out. When he never did I believed we were on the same page. I trusted him enough not to question anything. He said he loved me so in my eyes he would respect me enough not to do the worst. Boy was I wrong. I learned right after Spring Break that not only was he cheating but he was treating me the same as he treated many other girls. He was a sex addict. Couldn't go without it. Not a single day. Not with the same girl though, because whats the fun in having one person who loves you when you can have whom ever you want (she says sarcastically). He had a good girl by his side who would do anything for him, so he had the best of both worlds. Different girl to f**k everyday because he just kept them on a loop. I am sure the other girls felt just as close to him as I did. I am not naive enough to think that he didn't spill the same words to them. He was living many different lives and was getting away with it because I and so many others had no idea. Now I'm not telling y'all this to get sympathy or to feel bad for myself. I just want y'all to be aware of what serial cheaters are capable of based off my own experience, and to also make sure I can help others not allow it to happen to them.

Here's the thing. A cheaters is going to cheat and there is nothing you can do to get a cheater not to cheat. It doesn't matter what you do, what you say, how you dress, how good you are. Something deep inside is not right with a cheater. Most of the time they cheat with someone who isn't half the person they cheated on. Lemme tell you why. People who cheat are very insecure. A serial cheater thinks so lowly of himself/herself that by breaking down other people to feel as badly as they do they somehow feel better about themselves. They get with people that are "too much to handle." Now that isn't me telling you that you're too much. You are too pretty, too successful, too good and a cheater was just getting with you to see if they could. Once they have you then they are terrified that you are going to find better or cheat on them and their ego starts to suffer. Then they go talk to other people or get with other people to boost their ego. If they are so insecure that they have to cheat to make themselves feel better then girl don't stress over some wake a$$ boy. He ain't worth it.

Serial cheaters are so good at what they do that CSI would have a hard time catching them. However, I have come to find that there are signs to watch out for when it comes to a cheater. Here they are ladies and gentlemen. If they wont let you see their phone then there are for sure things on there that they don't want you to see. If they have A LOT of really good girlfriends/boyfriends but you've never met a single one of them. If you want to see them and they are really sketchy about where they are or what they are doing. Someone who has nothing to hide wont do those things. So, watch out for the signs.

The thing that was the hardest for me to figure out, as it may be for some of y'all, was the question "what did I do to deserve to be treated so horribly?" The answer is simple. I did nothing wrong. I didn't deserve to be treated that way and neither does anybody else. For awhile I was hard on myself because I thought it was my fault. That is the most dangerous thing about a cheater. They make you question your worth, when in reality your worth is priceless while theirs is garbage. They will even have the audacity to say "I don't know why I did it." As if it wasn't a choice they made willingly. That is the most little boy response that you will ever hear, and unfortunately that does nothing to help you understand why. What I had to come to realize is that the question why was pointless. Even if I had gotten an actual answer to that question it wouldn't make me feel any better. Once I got a different perspective on the situation is when I finally started to heal from it. I had to realize my own worth and realize I wasn't the problem. He was. We don't want a problematic boy, we want a man who recognizes worth, or vise versa for men.

Here is what I want you to know. They didn't cheat because you weren't enough, they cheated because they weren't enough. There is going to come a day when you find someone who is equal to you and they won't have an ego problem because they aren't threatened by any part of who you are. Be bold, be successful, be everything that makes you, you. Don't snuff out those parts because you've been with someone who felt like taking those things away from you because they didn't have any of their own. If you have been a victim of a serial cheater you aren't weak. You are strong my friend. Always remember that serial cheaters aren't normal people who just made a mistake, because once a cheater, forever a serial cheater.